I hate football - both in it's simplistic, lineal two lines of men crashing into each other over and over, but even more so in how it is packaged - macho advertisements about 4km/gallon bubble-panelled anti-aerodynamic styling pick-up trucks; run over any obstacle like a tank with your extra fat tires; ride through the streets like a School of the Americas death squad graduate looking for commies ... .
Baseball on the other hand is the intellectuals game - time enough between moments of intense action to contemplate the nature of the universe - that type of thing.
So last Sunday I went to the local to watch the Minnesota game at 1pm; as I arrived it looked like there were a bunch of people there to watch the exciting Blue Jays run to the playoffs too!
I was so happy to have a crowd of BB fans to watch with!
I grabbed a table in front of the TV that was showing the baseball pre-game show, and took control of the remote control in order to begin providing the service of muting commercials for everyone.
As the 1st inning progressed, more people began to arrive and the blue Jays were breaking out to take a 5-0 lead. Just then the assistant manager grabbed the remote off the table in front of me with body-language aggression (I thought it was about volume adjustment by patrons was against bar policy). The manager began to set-up a second TV just over my shoulder to a football match.
I was sure that the table next to me was there for the Jays game and continued to watch ... slowly the volume of the BB game and the Football game began to become unequal such that pretty soon the football was so loud I began to feel like 'we' baseball fans were not wanted. I kept looking to my friends at the table next to me, wondering when they were going to complain they couldn't hear the baseball game.
They looked back with hollow eyes that conveyed nothing.
Just then I went out to the sidewalk to have a smoke, as I was pulling on my Drum, one of the couples who were watching next to me, walked by on their way out and the guy said right to me, 'Thanks!' ... I couldn't figure out why he would say that.
I went back to my seat. Now the volume of the Football game is so loud it's uncomfortable to sit where I was sitting with the commercials blasting right in my ear - I decided to leave. As I was leaving it suddenly dawned on me that EVERYONE was there watching Football ! It was NFL Football day at the local!
They even had a gambling pool going on!
Such a brutal, barbarian kind of place - instead of assaulting me with volume and subtle exiles from the group, all someone had to do was tell me what was going on and I would have left and grabbed a seat at the bar across the street (where there was a patio table right in front of a big screen set up in the garage door style window). Which is what I did.
Even that guy's Thanks! was so subtle in it's snideness I didn't get it - and he was the bravest of the bunch.
I guess it is true about penis size being indirectly proportional to the size of vehicle one uses.
:)
mh
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